Time.

Bleh, the button for 'new post' on my dashboard has broken! Gotta gaffa tape it back up...

Anyway. It is raining and I have a cup of tea and a heater and I should be studying but whatever, I just finished a recording so I want a few hours off :P
The last week or so has been weirdly really difficult for me - not most of the time, when I'm busy doing something, or around other people, but when I've got time to myself, I find myself getting really sad. I really really want holidays RIGHT NAO PLZ but also I'm sort of afraid that, with more time, I'll just stagnate on whatever's happening in my head and it'll grow. Not on me. Like a tumor. Tumor should have another u after the o. It looks kind of Americanised now. Meh. I guess I'm being a pretty lame Christian, because all this worry is useless, and it's about something I really have no control over. It means that I obviously don't trust God enough to say, 'ok, You're SUPER EXTREMELY AWESOME and are going to do what's best for everyone, and because I'm here fretting about something I can't go out and change, I'll let you do that and not try to be You because that would fail in spectacular flames and whatnot'.

I know in my head that He'll take care of me, no matter who I am. I know it in my heart too. But this subject just keeps popping up and tapping me on the shoulder and saying HEY KATIE REMEMBER ME I'M GOING TO SCREW UP YOUR LIFE YAYAH. Whiiiich is miserable for me and anyone who happens to be around me at the time. I'm sorry if I've been a lame friend lately :( It's not something which I'll see any results of, really, for a long long time, and I won't know if what I hope for is going to be realised or not. I guess I need to let it go, but I also don't want to. I think I'm afraid that if I stop worrying about it I'll stop caring about it? I'm not really even sure.

Myeh, got exram to study for. Got recording to practise for. Got HINDEMITH TO LEARN YAY!! Got banana bread to bake for Patricia and Reka and hope that that might stop them fading away into jobs they have to do for wooni.

P.S. I don't really know what's up with the title of this post?