A new Chopin Liszt, Ysaye.

Ok so that was surpassingly lame.

Anyway this is going to be a fairly boring post intended to remind me what I have to do NOW THAT I AM ON BLISSFUL HOLIDAYS.

(There is a figurative and metaphorical cookie at the bottom for those of you who read through it, or just scroll down. Whatever floats your boat :P)

1. Clean my room. Properly. Namely, emptying everything out of everywhere, tossing everything I don't need/really want, putting all the rest of the stuff in boxes, figuring out which bits of furniture are broken beyond all hope of repair by use of gaffa tape, and putting it back.

2. Practise for, and record Bach for the Harmer. Write application and get references.

3. Arrange a gazillion lots of gig music.

4. Alter/fix clothes that need it.

5. SLEEP.

That's pretty much it!!! Yay!!!!!

Ok so cookie. For those of you (see: anonymous) who aren't Christian this is going to be a let down :P

OK SO KATIE ANALOGY TIME. I'm kind of embarrassed to be seeing all these analogies everywhere but whatever. They're kinda cute.

Today I spent most of my time doing one of playing viola, driving somewhere, running somewhere with food that I don't have time to sit and eat in my mouth/falling out of my mouth, getting lost, or pulling over to the side of the road to consult my refidex with a healthy soundtrack of profanity. I think I've sworn more today than I have in the last 6 months .____.;;; Either way. I was thinking, in one of the rare times in which I knew where I was going, that God is kind of like a map. As opposed to a GPS. Because He doesn't tell you everything exactly as it's coming up, in a super annoying electronic voice, accompanied by conveniently colour coded graphics and little arrows. And reminders every 500 m that, in 1580 m, turn left at Greenwood Rd. He lets you get lost, He lets you get frustrated and pull over and say where the hell am I??? And He is a WHOLE FRICKIN LOT BETTER THAN STUPID GOOGLE MAPS. If you just look, you'll find where to go. It's ok to keep pulling over to see if you're on course. And He won't give you stupid directions that send you wiggling around in weird wormy paths when in fact you could just be going along one road for the whole way instead.

Yeah.

Extended metaphor, fin.

Going to early session of church tomorrow, wonder what it'll be like! Also Patricia's having a concert WHICH WILL BE AWESOME and I'm going to give her banana bread that I made :D:D:D

Tralalala holidays!

Someone tell me the opening hours please D:

Much do I dread the day that it closes.

Today has rekindled my love and hate of the city. Well. not love really. But I do quite like it, mainly because it has the best sushi, ever (hooray for Top Sushi!!), but I despise it because of everyone smoking there. I swear I increase my breath control by 133.2% every time I go there, I hold my breath so often. Blargh.

In other matters, $5 jeans! Woo!

Keep head up, keep head up.

Time.

Bleh, the button for 'new post' on my dashboard has broken! Gotta gaffa tape it back up...

Anyway. It is raining and I have a cup of tea and a heater and I should be studying but whatever, I just finished a recording so I want a few hours off :P
The last week or so has been weirdly really difficult for me - not most of the time, when I'm busy doing something, or around other people, but when I've got time to myself, I find myself getting really sad. I really really want holidays RIGHT NAO PLZ but also I'm sort of afraid that, with more time, I'll just stagnate on whatever's happening in my head and it'll grow. Not on me. Like a tumor. Tumor should have another u after the o. It looks kind of Americanised now. Meh. I guess I'm being a pretty lame Christian, because all this worry is useless, and it's about something I really have no control over. It means that I obviously don't trust God enough to say, 'ok, You're SUPER EXTREMELY AWESOME and are going to do what's best for everyone, and because I'm here fretting about something I can't go out and change, I'll let you do that and not try to be You because that would fail in spectacular flames and whatnot'.

I know in my head that He'll take care of me, no matter who I am. I know it in my heart too. But this subject just keeps popping up and tapping me on the shoulder and saying HEY KATIE REMEMBER ME I'M GOING TO SCREW UP YOUR LIFE YAYAH. Whiiiich is miserable for me and anyone who happens to be around me at the time. I'm sorry if I've been a lame friend lately :( It's not something which I'll see any results of, really, for a long long time, and I won't know if what I hope for is going to be realised or not. I guess I need to let it go, but I also don't want to. I think I'm afraid that if I stop worrying about it I'll stop caring about it? I'm not really even sure.

Myeh, got exram to study for. Got recording to practise for. Got HINDEMITH TO LEARN YAY!! Got banana bread to bake for Patricia and Reka and hope that that might stop them fading away into jobs they have to do for wooni.

P.S. I don't really know what's up with the title of this post?

This much.

Today at church, a speaker with a particularly inspiring story came to tell us about her experiences. And it made me realise something that I had always heard and kind of known but not really thought about or understood, even in any small part - 'Jesus loves you'. It's the thing that you see on Sunday School posters or hokey signs, that you become desensitised to. Or that's what I became anyway. Cliches are almost always based in truth - and this is one of them. Jesus does love you. Think of the person you most love, and then put it to the power of about a gazillion. That's probably not enough. I can't really grasp how enormous His love is, but even in my lack of understanding, just realising that He does love me, is enough - it's amazing. I mean far out. He's the frickin creator of the universe, and He cares about us??? Not just an arbitrary glance every now and then when He can get around to it, or even a kind of 'this is my fairly alright creation which has managed to screw itself up but whatever I still think it's interesting' attitude. And something else the speaker said - nothing you do can make Him love you any less. Similarly, nothing you do can increase His love for you. (how do you increase infinity anyway?) So even if you don't follow what He has in plan for you, it's not going to make Him hate you, only, you will have missed out on something pretty damn awesome, so you don't need to feel like a criminal (although we are). If you think you've done exactly what He's told you to, followed every rule almost always, etc etc, there's also no reason to become smug in your ways. There's no excuse, really, because it's not what we've done that we can be proud of, because we'll always fail in some way. BUT THAT'S OK BECAUSE IT WON'T MAKE HIM HATE US. Or even love us less!

HOW AWESOME IS THAT. I THINK IT IS AWESOME. I WOULD LIKE TO RECOMMEND TO YOU THE AWESOMENESS OF GOD BECAUSE HE'S EXTREMELY RAD AND EVEN TYPING IN ALL CAPS LOOKS ABOUT THE SIZE OF A PIECE OF LINT FROM THE DRYER, ONE OF THE REALLY SMALL ONES THAT ARE SUPER HARD TO GET OFF YOUR CLOTHES, TO GOD.

Apologies for yelling in your head :D

Dancing

Something came to mind the other day - living as a Christian, or as someone who's on their way to becoming one, is a little bit like dancing. By dancing I don't mean the Aussie guy shuffle or random flailings, but something that has structure and set moves and meaning. God is the guy, we are the girl - His job is to lead, and ours is to follow and try our best to not screw up. It's possible to know very little about the moves and bumble your way along, but as the dance progresses, you can observe people who are more skilled than you and copy them, and do more justice to God's leading. Maybe you can then develop your own style - and the dance becomes yours. Maybe eventually it takes hardly a gesture or a step from Him for you to know what to do, maybe it becomes a conversation between the two of you. But if you want to show off your own moves, or if you have no idea what to do, you might go spinning off into the crowd and lose sight of your partner. Of course you can continue dancing by yourself, but then the dance loses a dimension. You might resist your partner's leading, if He wants you to do something that you don't - which can get you into all sorts of mess, maybe you trip over your own feet or someone else's or just overbalance and fall.

I'm not sure right now what my partner wants me to do, and although I'm trying to be open to anything, my own desires are getting in the way and I'm afraid that I'm being too stubborn to follow properly. I can see other people dancing so harmoniously that I get more confused, because what God wants me to do isn't necessarily the same as what He wants other people to do. I want to be able to dance with grace and humility and kindness.


(Sorry for the extended metaphor, it was a bit lame <_>;; )