So,

So, this blog is pretty much a rant place or something I go to when I want to whine about the world. I'm not sure why anyone reads it because it must be a pretty depressing thing to read - I don't update it regularly and so it's only the things I bottle up that come out here. I really am not such a miserable person as this makes me out to be, it's just that I am happy most of the time and I'm cool with telling people that I'm happy, but often I don't want to say why I'm sad but I need to get it out somehow. Therefore, this exists! So to continue a well-ingrained (engrained? whatever.) tradition, here goes.

Once again, I am stuck with people problems. I've come to realise that with any kind of relationship comes expectations - with my friends, I expect them to enjoy my company (or why would they be my friends otherwise?), I expect them to share things about themselves, I expect them to sometimes make a little time for me and talk with me. I expect them to expect these things of me as well. Of somebody who is perhaps more or different than/to a friend, I expect different things - but there are expectations nonetheless. If I didn't expect anything of anyone, then why bother forming or working on a relationship? It wouldn't mean much at all. Maybe this is just me trying to rationalise me being selfish and attention-seeking but it seems to make sense to me. However - these are with equals - with God, I can't expect anything because I have no idea how He works, and I am most certainly not His equal. I can only be grateful to Him, with as much of me as there is, whatever happens, because I cannot possibly fathom what things He has planned out.
But I have no qualms with God! This is about people. Sometimes people think they know themselves inside out, they've either been by themself or had the time or circumstance to think about themself and they're pretty sure they know everything there is to know. Much to my chagrin, that seems to me a little (little? lol.) selfish, or at least self-absorbed. What about your impact on other people? Rather than just analysing someone really hard for the first small amount of time you're getting to know someone and then pidgeonholing them, what about keeping your mind open and realising that people change, and that they don't deserve to be judged so strictly by you? What about not finding how you can have power over people and playing with that? It makes me really sad to see a friend do all of these things and not be sure what to say to them, because while I know that, to me, this is pretty much manipulating people (and we all do, to some extent - it can be completely benign or it can be more malicious), I also don't want to change people just because of my opinion. I want to try to get them to realise this of their own accord, through hints that might be spoken or not, but what if the person doesn't get it? I suppose I should tell them outright and say, what you're doing makes me sad, but why should they change themself on knowing that? It's not really a big deal, one person being sad because of something you do. Then there's the problem of timing and I don't want to say anything about it right now because it's such a busy time and having yet another thing to think about could destroy minds. But if I wait till the holidays it might be too late - not to change them, but for me. Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhh I don't know anymore. All I can hope is that God knows what He's doing and if I keep asking for help and relying on Him that it will all end up according to plan. It still makes me sad though.